We get comfortable with life and get habits that we stay with and to some degree for life. Are you stubborn and not willing to change? I was for some time as well. I was often accused of being anal retentive. My books had to be in a specific order and if someone moved one to be funny I felt myself coming unglued!
I decided I didn’t want to be held hostage by my habits that made me feel safe and comfortable. I started mixing books up on purpose. I’ve made uncomfortable changes over the last few years.
The cost of ‘safe’ is invisible compounding—skills you never build, clients you never meet. Decluttering one shelf isn’t about stuff; it’s about proving you can.
A practical way to leave your comfort zone using tiny experiments, safety nets, and momentum—no hype, just steps.
I got out of my comfort zone when I moved into real estate. I got out of my comfort zone when I started doing YouTube videos. I got out of my comfort zone when I got a GoPro camera for trail riding videos. I started a new business recently that’s separate from real estate and aimed at serving seniors.
I’ve been using ChatGPT and using it regularly. I’ve been taking more courses to learn more.
What would get you out of your comfort zone? What would you like to learn or do that you’re afraid to or don’t think you’re good enough?
I took a 600+ mile trip in my 1963 Studebaker Avanti last month from Roanoke, VA to Washington, PA.
Whether you follow Facebook, Pinterest or other sources you no doubt have seen a variety of positive sayings to persuade you to let go of past baggage. I believe in it too though I can tell you from personal experience it’s easier said than done. We can spend our whole lives trying. Some never succeed. That just makes you human not a bad person!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
For decades I wrote two blogs. One was on CAD (Computer Aided Drafting). I blogged almost every day with screen captures of tips and tricks, new pieces, or anything I believed would be helpful to readers. It was shared among many industry experts. I changed careers. I thought it would be on the Internet forever. I never checked it. One day a few years later I wanted to share something from it. Low and behold I found that it was gone! Where did it go? As it turned out the site that I used was sold to someone else. Emails were sent to notify. I no longer had the email so never knew anything about it. I was so mad! I was mad at myself. I was blaming myself for not checking it regularly. The anger stuck with me for far too long.
The other blog was almost daily posts about my late husband’s Multiple Myeloma. It was originally started when he was going for a stem cell transplant so I didn’t need to email or call everyone we knew. They could just check the blog. Later it became and outlet of sorts and a way to share with other patients. I have met some other patients since then and while I can share a little in an email, all the info that might give them hope or take their minds off their own cancer from the blog is gone.
It was only a blog, right? It wasn’t as if I had a health problem or lost a family member. It wasn’t serious. Do you think I’m crazy? It sounds silly, right? I still get frustrated if it comes to my mind. Luckily that’s not often. I think I’m mostly mad at myself. I have never really committed to another blog the way I did that one because my heart just isn’t in it after that.
I’m lucky. I only have a small handful of events that have stuck with me that I can’t get over. Some folks have much more. What is it that irritates you years after it happened? Was it an incident with a family member? Did a friend do you wrong? Are you mad at yourself?
I’ve never been one to make New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve always thought it was a waste of time. There are plenty of books, articles and methods for setting goals. What’s the right one?
It’s generally written that goals need to be specific, measurable, and attainable. I’m not going to set a goal for getting on the U.S. Olympic Team. That’s not attainable unless I’m really close to qualifying. It’s also not specific. Do I hope to make the Team in my lifetime, by a specific date, in a specific sport? The goal needs to be specific. Broad goals don’t do anything for anyone. Goals also need to be measurable. Do I need to run the 1 meter dash in 1 minute? That’s also specific. It may or may not be measurable. If I want to save $100 per month that’s measurable. I can measure how much each week or day to save.
You can also set goals in a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year plan. My late husband used to do this. His 5 or 10 year plan might involve where he wants to live or where he wants to work. It’s good to have general goals for this. They can be specific, measurable, and attainable, but often these are broad. Along with these some goal setters like to include photos. My son and his wife used to have a poster board with photos glued to it of what their dreams were so they could achieve them. I have mine in my head, though a recent exercise in a coaching session required me to bring in photos. So a Mopar purple Roadrunner and log cabin is what they got!
Last year I went through the book Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want. I highly recommend it. The first half of the book sets up the principle. Then there is the template to create your own life plan. You start with a eulogy. How do you want to be remembered? Then you move into what’s important to you and action plans and each. Mine is 14 pages long. The goal of this is to really think. I even fasted while I did mine to have a clear head. It’s advised to read it every day. I have failed at that. Reading it serves two purposes.
First, it keeps it in perspective and helps you to take the actions you stated. Second, it’s a live document so your priorities change and so should your document.
Here were my priorities last year. They have changed this year.
Priorities
What matters most?
Health & Fitness
Making a difference
Learning & Educating
Family
Spirituality
Have fun (Recreation, travel, hobbies)
Financial stability & independence
Career/Retirement
I haven’t ironed them all out yet, but making a difference is either 1 or 2. It also carries over into all areas of my life. My hobbies include parts of making a difference. My career and spirituality do as well.
What’s the point of all this? Don’t be intimidated in setting goals. The only correct way to set a goal is that it’s something you want to reach, you have a plan to reach it, and the whole thing works for YOU. What works for you may not work for me and what works for me might be a failure for you. Just don’t give up. What will your eulogy be?
Lately (since November) I’ve found myself looking back at where I was last year or even further. I suspect I will be doing this throughout the year. I suspect I’m still in a state of disbelief that in November of 2015 I was sent to Okinawa, Japan to work and lived there until the end of August 2016.
I wish I’d returned to blogging when I arrived as it would’ve been an interesting read and reflection on what I learned and experienced. Can’t change the past as I’m all too aware.
I came to really embrace Okinawa, but it was not as appreciated as it might have been because I left home so suddenly and left so much undone. My decision to accept this position was influenced by the fact that I am in relatively good health and my parents (who live apart) are also physically well off enough not to require care. I had someone to stay in my house and take care of pets and day-to-day activities. The money was too good to pass up and having visited my son in China made me realize that other countries are no big deal to visit or reside.
What I didn’t know when I left was that I underestimated just what a control freak I truly am. I knew I liked to be in control, but to not be able to focus and enjoy the new culture because of constantly trying to control what could not be controlled at home is the sign of an out of control maniac! Sometimes you just need to accept that things are getting handled even if it’s not the way you would handle them. That’s hard for me. Ask anyone that knows me and you’ll hear a resounding ‘Amen’.
I also underestimated just how much my family does rely on me. That’s also a relatively bad thing. Yes, I do anything for anyone and ignore my own needs far too often. It’s how I’m wired. I am learning to say ‘no’ and to try to not over commit. I have spoiled people too in what I can do whether it’s figure out technology to solve a problem or fix some problem they have or help them make a decision.
While I did have Skype and talked to people at home with the 13-14 hour time difference (I was ahead of them) between Okinawa and Virginia/Pennsylvania, the hours I spent with each family member on calls every week were exhausting and they always let me know what they really needed me to help them with at the time.
It was also a bit of a strain supporting two households and helping other family members, but I was appreciative that I could afford to do it. I admit I was jealous of two of the single people on my team there that gave up apartments and cars and put belongings in storage. They were both able to do a lot of travel and enjoy their stay much more than me. But if I were to blame it on finances it wouldn’t be entirely fair. I didn’t try hard enough to go explore. I could’ve done more.
I did take one trip over Memorial Day weekend to Hiroshima, Japan. In my usual way I packed too much into a short weekend, but I did have a good trip and am very pleased that I was able to visit the historic sites there. I would recommend it to everyone!
Since I’ve come home and perhaps about two months into time here I’ve found myself homesick for Okinawa. That’s a complete shock to me. It’s not what I didn’t get to do, but silly little products that I became accustomed to from the 100 Yen store (equivalent to our Dollar Tree). I also was completely comfortable with shopping at the local grocery store. I had certain products that I purchased and liked the small portions. The fresh salmon that was my staple, the rice I liked the most for it’s flavor and stickiness, the little glass bottles of herbs for 100Yen and even the scented, colored toilet paper. I miss my favorite restaurants and dishes at each and the warmth and friendliness of the Okinawans.
I’ve noticed that several things have changed both while I was there and since I’ve come home. One is that before I left I had become very lazy and depended on someone else to do everything for me. The problem is two-fold. First, the person is always there to serve me. That’s bad though some would be jealous. Second, I’ve always done everything for myself and now I had turned into a person that I didn’t know and didn’t like. Okinawa gave me my independence back. I shopped for myself, cleaned my apartment, and cooked my own meals. It was good for me to regain my independence as well as my confidence.
I started eating a lot differently. The portions are smaller both at restaurants and at the grocery store. I’ve always been one to use my own shopping bags when I shop and I was in the right place. In Okinawa most people do use their own bags in the local markets (my preference for shopping rather than on base), it’s also an economic move as those people that don’t have a bag have to pay for a plastic bag. What a great concept! Imagine what it would be like here in the U.S. if we charged people for their bags? We wouldn’t have landfills of plastic bags or see them blowing around the streets and countryside.
I was very fortunate that I was paired to work with someone local on the island. He taught me a lot and took me to many different places to eat and helped me try many dishes that I love and miss now. I would never have learned so much on my own. I owe my friend, Fernando, much!
I only bought fresh salmon in small packages and bought a mid-grade rice that in the U.S. we would call sushi rice. I ate fresh vegetables. I bought a local rice cooker that I brought home with me. I drank oolong tea and ate miso soup. I started drinking Naked Juice Blue Machine for breakfast or buying smoothies at the gym. I started putting chia seeds on or in everything. I was eating as clean as anyone could want to. I became a vegetarian except for my salmon. That was just the kick-start that my mind and body needed. I was thinking more clearly than I had in decades and my creativity returned.
When I was sitting in my apartment in Okinawa, there wasn’t much to do other than read, listen to music, or watch movies and t.v. online with my Kindle. I deliberately didn’t want a lot of belongings not just because of the expense, but when I left I would either have to ship home or get rid of and neither made good sense.
The last two months I was there when the work was complete and we were just in a holding pattern I began reading voraciously. I used to read a lot, but also hadn’t done that in so long I couldn’t remember.
In hindsight, it would’ve been ideal if I’d experienced the changes months earlier. Certainly can’t go back and change that now.
I began rejecting any fast foods easily and going out of my way to shop naturally. It was harder and more expensive. Gradually my partner kept bringing home cheaper foods and I returned to eating as too many Americans. I suffered brain fog and lost ambition, energy, and creativity. Before I knew it I had fallen back into almost where I was before I left. Luckily I have had a chance to realize this and am working at eating much closer to vegetarianism and my mental and physical state is returning to where I want it to be. Sure, I’ll have an occasional treat but it will be occasional.
One of the big differences is that in Okinawa I was limited in my ability to get around. Here in America you can just get in your car and wherever you go there are ads to entice you and you might stop just to get gas and have all sorts of temptations. I can see now what a difference there is and it makes me miss a lot of my life in Okinawa. I’m home sick for life there and almost wish I could just go there on weekends. There are foods I miss and the simpler, laid back life was wonderful.
Returning home was more difficult than I imagined. I found myself happy to be home conflicted with missing Okinawa. It was more than the overwhelming stuff and need to embrace minimalism. It was the food, people, customer service, and culture in general. I was also in culture shock. I didn’t realize some of the disrespect and hatefulness that’s been here all along. It took living there for it to stand out.
A couple of examples are men that don’t remove their hats when they enter a building. Seeing people in stores with ball caps or sitting in a restaurant wearing a ball cap is still driving me so insane that I want to go slap it off their heads! I’m sure some of that is because I worked on military bases and soldiers must remove their caps (covers there referred to) immediately before entering a building and then put them on immediately when they exit a building.
The rudeness of drivers has also really got me. Okinawa is slower paced. To the Okinawans driving is a privilege. It costs thousands of dollars I’m told to be able to get that privilege and that doesn’t include the expense of buying and insuring a car. The inspections are insane there and very expensive as well. I don’t have to tell you that even in a small city like Roanoke you have people who cut you off, don’t use turn signals, speed, and are just generally jerk drivers. That doesn’t even count the drivers who are driving without a license or insurance.
From time to time now I look at today and last year. What was the weather like in Okinawa? What was I doing? What did I try for the first time?
I realize that many things I believed in and or was passionate about over the years have faded. It’s not just a difference with who I became in Okinawa and who I was here, but a drifting away from who am. I am slowly moving back to ME.
I’ve long been a naturalist. I believe in natural cleaning, composting, gardening, eating clean foods, gardening, and living simply. The only thing about me that tends to create an element of eccentricity or some might consider conflict is that I was raised in a car club culture. Having old Jeeps and old cars and especially Studebakers, Mopars, and Corvairs are just part of who I am too. But I know now that I need one thing to enjoy and don’t have to have a mass of vehicles and parts. So even that’s on the chopping block. It’s back to cleaning out and listing on eBay.
I am returning to reading, but it’s hard. I’ve starting coloring (thank heavens for the invention of the adult coloring book) and plan to get my cleaning and craft room in shape again (it became a disaster while I as away) and get back to crafts and sewing that I enjoy.
I returned to only t.v. via antenna along with my Netflix and Hulu accounts. I’m spending more time listening to music and less time watching t.v. I’m also fairly busy with eBay sales in clearing out ‘stuff’ from my life.
Returning to consulting but expanding my offerings as well as eBay and Uber will allow me to stay independent. I don’t need to be wealthy in my bank account, but need to be happy. I work at my own pace and have freedom and variety.
Reflection is healthy as long as it doesn’t become regret. I hope you’ll reflect and find what’s slipped away for yourself.
I’ve seen a glimpse of life. Some would say I’ve had an interesting life. Finding your niche, your calling, and ultimately your true self is a lifelong battle.
Once I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was young to help animals. I was fortunate enough to have space and freedom growing up to have not just the German Shepherd that I was raised with, but dwarf rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, fish, guinea pigs, a small parrot and often found crawdads and salamanders in the creek where I lived. Once I hit high school I realized that science wasn’t my strength and changed plans.
I have worked in basic offices doing accounting and other duties. In 1992 I landed into the CAD field where I remained until 2010 when the industry changed and I could no longer find a job. Employers wanted degrees and certifications that I didn’t possess. It was time for a change.
I blocked out healthcare from my career possibilities because I seemed surrounded by it. My grandmother was an R.N. and practiced into retirement on-call. My grandfather was a pharmacist and also practiced into retirement on a fill-in basis. Through some experiences with my late husband, I had a renewed interest in healthcare. With my personality type I believed that working in a lab would be the best fit. I returned to school full-time to work toward a Health Science degree. Along the way it was suggested that phlebotomy certification could pay my way to finish. This was wrong as the pay is not there and employers only want to hire someone with experience.
I again fell into a position that took me to Okinawa, Japan. The work was boring most of the time with not enough challenge to keep me interested, but during the last month of sitting in my apartment I finally found myself. I had nothing to do but read and listen to music and I read about a book a day. I started blogging again. I started writing a book. I began following a number of authors that I respected greatly and surrounding myself with people who built me up. I also began exercising and working out at the base gym regularly and fell back into my routine of hardly being able to stay away from the gym. I was stronger mentally and physically. I found my true self. I had also been eating clean with local food.
Then I returned home. My hopes of continuing with the company that sent me to Okinawa were quickly dashed and I found myself laid off immediately. After being away from home for 10 months, I had a lot of work to sort out and clean up problems. I also was overwhelmed with clutter and started selling everything I could put my hands on.
All this distraction, gradually going back to bad-for-you American foods, have me lost again. I’m trying to find a starting point to find myself again. I shouldn’t have to leave home for this search! I’ve had it and can taste it. I want it back. I need it back to survive. It’s a long climb up a steep mountain. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it once I reach it.
Have you ever found your true self? I’d like to know your story.
I believe I am fortunate because I am generally in touch with my life and try to always learn something new as well as be in tune to my body to know when something is off. I have always considered that I am doing the things I should be at the times I should be in life. Some of that changed in 2009.
I’ve believed for a lot of my adult life that things happen for a reason. I don’t consider it karma, but more of an entity bigger than us. For me it’s God, but I am open-minded enough to leave room for interpretation that it could be any higher being. It’s always been a hindsight. Have you ever looked back on a situation or period of time and thought, “This was meant to happen?”
I’m one of those people that fixes things and takes care of people. It’s natural for me and I don’t consider it a chore. I’ve done this for many years and learned a lot along the journey.
In 2000, I met a man that a family member had tried to tell me about for probably almost 10 years. I was focused on raising my son and was not interested in any relationships. I thought that would be taking time away from what was important at the time which was preparing a child to become an adult with good values and to be able to be independent. Along comes Pete!
As Pete would say, sometimes life hits you with a 2 x 4 to get your attention. That statement couldn’t be any more true. Throughout 2001 we talked long distance weekly which became daily. He was in Philly and I was in Roanoke, Virginia. I bought a house and he bought land near here. We were soul mates and he opened my naive eyes to more than I could imagine. As it turned out we had crossed paths in 1980 when we had taken photos of the exact same vehicles at a vintage vehicle show we both attended. We had been to many of the same events in the late 1970’s until I left Pennsylvania to return to my home state of Oklahoma in late 1981. It was obviously a meeting that was destined to happen, but it happened when it did in 2001 for a reason. In 2002 Pete was diagnosed with Stage III Multiple Myeloma which is a type of blood cancer that affects the bone marrow and can cause fractures. I have no doubt that I was put in the position to meet him and step into his life at that time. Of course when he was diagnosed and he moved in with me I felt cheated to lose someone that I had just met and loved so dearly.
Being optimistic and generally good-natured all through the years taught me a lot and allowed us to enjoy a lot of life and have a lot of fun over the next seven years. In September 2009 things got to the point that he was losing the battle but refused to give up. I had to step in and call the shots and stop experimental treatments and he died later that month on September 19, 2009.
Pete and Beth on one of their many Jeep adventures!
We had talked about it openly and laughed about a lot. I was sure it would be no big deal when he died, but I was completely wrong. I was devastated. I cried for months. Nights were the worse. I could make it through some of the days, but I was not living but just surviving. Then when night would come and I’d try to go to bed I would just sob continuously.
In 2001 also I was laid off from my job as CAD Manager after 10 years. New management came in and decided that the company didn’t need a CAD Department anymore. I will tell you in another post how I began a business in 24 hours. While I did work again from 2003-2007, I mainly was self-employed until Pete died. That was a benefit because through trips for treatment and doctor visits I could work my own schedule.
After Pete died, I couldn’t focus on work. I couldn’t make an income. I didn’t want to do CAD work anymore. I thought I was burned out. I applied for jobs in the CAD field, but the environment had changed and firms either wanted engineers or people with certifications. I was known as a CAD expert, but that didn’t matter. I taught classes, wrote training material, and knew AutoCAD inside and out. I thought it was a good opportunity to have a fresh start and change careers. I have always loved learning and taking classes.
I completed some exercises in careers and found that medical technology was a good fit and sounded interesting. I had never been interested in the medical field because my paternal grandmother was an R.N. and my grandfather was a pharmacist. But working in a lab sounded very interesting to me. It was also very analytical like my CAD career had been. So I started back to school.
There was not a degree program in my town, but I was advised to take all the other classes and then only need to travel to take the remaining few. The more classes I took in anatomy, microbiology, and medical terminology the more fascinated I became. I finally became alive again. I was presented with an opportunity to become a phlebotomist and was advised this would be a good first step into the lab career so I followed through with that and became a Certified Phlebotomist Technician. I learned a hard lesson that while there were plenty of jobs, no one would hire me because I had no experience at all in a medical office or any medical setting. I began to think this was all a terrible mistake with the exception of really enjoying myself.
I eventually got what I thought was a start into a job to spring board me into the medical field, but the pay was too low to live on even as simply as I live and while the company had high hopes of adding phlebotomy services, I never got to use my skills more than half a dozen times and was nothing more than an office manager in a stressful office that had nothing to do with medicine.
While looking for another job and questioning everything that had happened since Pete died, I applied for a part-time job doing what seemed like CAD work. Within 2 weeks I was on a flight for Okinawa and found myself doing more physical work and not much to do with CAD and wondering how I got here.
Now what? Being self-employed seemed like it was the best thing for me. Yes, it takes work to bring in new business and maintain business. I wasn’t in the frame of mind to do this. Did I give up too quickly? I can’t go back to what I did because I’m too far out of touch and still don’t feel the passion I once did. I love teaching others and sharing information. For years I maintained one of the oldest and top read blogs in the AutoCAD world and a blog on Pete’s cancer journey to help other patients and families. I also love nutrition and exercise and mentoring and coaching.
Life is a journey. Are you on the journey you want to be on today? Have you been in the past? Have you run off course? Have you ever made a career change?
On Beth's Mind 