Looking In The Rear View Mirror

Posted on by Beth V Powell
Tree in Okinawa
Tree in Okinawa

Lately (since November) I’ve found myself looking back at where I was last year or even further.  I suspect I will be doing this throughout the year.  I suspect I’m still in a state of disbelief that in November of 2015 I was sent to Okinawa, Japan to work and lived there until the end of August 2016.

I wish I’d returned to blogging when I arrived as it would’ve been an interesting read and reflection on what I learned and experienced.  Can’t change the past as I’m all too aware.

I came to really embrace Okinawa, but it was not as appreciated as it might have been because I left home so suddenly and left so much undone.  My decision to accept this position was influenced by the fact that I am in relatively good health and my parents (who live apart) are also physically well off enough not to require care.  I had someone to stay in my house and take care of pets and day-to-day activities.  The money was too good to pass up and having visited my son in China made me realize that other countries are no big deal to visit or reside.

What I didn’t know when I left was that I underestimated just what a control freak I truly am.  I knew I liked to be in control, but to not be able to focus and enjoy the new culture because of constantly trying to control what could not be controlled at home is the sign of an out of control maniac!  Sometimes you just need to accept that things are getting handled even if it’s not the way you would handle them.  That’s hard for me.  Ask anyone that knows me and you’ll hear a resounding ‘Amen’.

I also underestimated just how much my family does rely on me.  That’s also a relatively bad thing.  Yes, I do anything for anyone and ignore my own needs far too often.  It’s how I’m wired.  I am learning to say ‘no’ and to try to not over commit.  I have spoiled people too in what I can do whether it’s figure out technology to solve a problem or fix some problem they have or help them make a decision.

While I did have Skype and talked to people at home with the 13-14 hour time difference (I was ahead of them) between Okinawa and Virginia/Pennsylvania, the hours I spent with each family member on calls every week were exhausting and they always let me know what they really needed me to help them with at the time.

It was also a bit of a strain supporting two households and helping other family members, but I was appreciative that I could afford to do it.  I admit I was jealous of two of the single people on my team there that gave up apartments and cars and put belongings in storage.  They were both able to do a lot of travel and enjoy their stay much more than me.  But if I were to blame it on finances it wouldn’t be entirely fair.  I didn’t try hard enough to go explore.  I could’ve done more.

I did take one trip over Memorial Day weekend to Hiroshima, Japan.  In my usual way I packed too much into a short weekend, but I did have a good trip and am very pleased that I was able to visit the historic sites there.  I would recommend it to everyone!

Since I’ve come home and perhaps about two months into time here I’ve found myself homesick for Okinawa.  That’s a complete shock to me.  It’s not what I didn’t get to do, but silly little products that I became accustomed to from the 100 Yen store (equivalent to our Dollar Tree).  I also was completely comfortable with shopping at the local grocery store.  I had certain products that I purchased and liked the small portions.  The fresh salmon that was my staple, the rice I liked the most for it’s flavor and stickiness, the little glass bottles of herbs for 100Yen and even the scented, colored toilet paper.  I miss my favorite restaurants and dishes at each and the warmth and friendliness of the Okinawans.

I’ve noticed that several things have changed both while I was there and since I’ve come home.  One is that before I left I had become very lazy and depended on someone else to do everything for me.  The problem is two-fold.  First, the person is always there to serve me.  That’s bad though some would be jealous.  Second, I’ve always done everything for myself and now I had turned into a person that I didn’t know and didn’t like.  Okinawa gave me my independence back.  I shopped for myself, cleaned my apartment, and cooked my own meals.  It was good for me to regain my independence as well as my confidence.

I started eating a lot differently.  The portions are smaller both at restaurants and at the grocery store.  I’ve always been one to use my own shopping bags when I shop and I was in the right place.  In Okinawa most people do use their own bags in the local markets (my preference for shopping rather than on base), it’s also an economic move as those people that don’t have a bag have to pay for a plastic bag.  What a great concept!  Imagine what it would be like here in the U.S. if we charged people for their bags?  We wouldn’t have landfills of plastic bags or see them blowing around the streets and countryside.

I was very fortunate that I was paired to work with someone local on the island.  He taught me a lot and took me to many different places to eat and helped me try many dishes that I love and miss now.  I would never have learned so much on my own.  I owe my friend, Fernando, much!

I only bought fresh salmon in small packages and bought a mid-grade rice that in the U.S. we would call sushi rice.  I ate fresh vegetables.  I bought a local rice cooker that I brought home with me.  I drank oolong tea and ate miso soup.  I started drinking Naked Juice Blue Machine for breakfast or buying smoothies at the gym.  I started putting chia seeds on or in everything.  I was eating as clean as anyone could want to.  I became a vegetarian except for my salmon.  That was just the kick-start that my mind and body needed.  I was thinking more clearly than I had in decades and my creativity returned.

When I was sitting in my apartment in Okinawa, there wasn’t much to do other than read, listen to music, or watch movies and t.v. online with my Kindle.  I deliberately didn’t want a lot of belongings not just because of the expense, but when I left I would either have to ship home or get rid of and neither made good sense.

The last two months I was there when the work was complete and we were just in a holding pattern I began reading voraciously.  I used to read a lot, but also hadn’t done that in so long I couldn’t remember.

In hindsight, it would’ve been ideal if I’d experienced the changes months earlier.  Certainly can’t go back and change that now.

I began rejecting any fast foods easily and going out of my way to shop naturally.  It was harder and more expensive.  Gradually my partner kept bringing home cheaper foods and I returned to eating as too many Americans.  I suffered brain fog and lost ambition, energy, and creativity.  Before I knew it I had fallen back into almost where I was before I left.  Luckily I have had a chance to realize this and am working at eating much closer to vegetarianism and my mental and physical state is returning to where I want it to be.  Sure, I’ll have an occasional treat but it will be occasional.

One of the big differences is that in Okinawa I was limited in my ability to get around.  Here in America you can just get in your car and wherever you go there are ads to entice you and you might stop just to get gas and have all sorts of temptations.  I can see now what a difference there is and it makes me miss a lot of my life in Okinawa.   I’m home sick for life there and almost wish I could just go there on weekends.  There are foods I miss and the simpler, laid back life was wonderful.

Returning home was more difficult than I imagined.  I found myself happy to be home conflicted with missing Okinawa.  It was more than the overwhelming stuff and need to embrace minimalism.  It was the food, people, customer service, and culture in general.  I was also in culture shock.  I didn’t realize some of the disrespect and hatefulness that’s been here all along.  It took living there for it to stand out.

A couple of examples are men that don’t remove their hats when they enter a building.  Seeing people in stores with ball caps or sitting in a restaurant wearing a ball cap is still driving me so insane that I want to go slap it off their heads!  I’m sure some of that is because I worked on military bases and soldiers must remove their caps (covers there referred to) immediately before entering a building and then put them on immediately when they exit a building.

The rudeness of drivers has also really got me.  Okinawa is slower paced.  To the Okinawans driving is a privilege.  It costs thousands of dollars I’m told to be able to get that privilege and that doesn’t include the expense of buying and insuring a car.  The inspections are insane there and very expensive as well.  I don’t have to tell you that even in a small city like Roanoke you have people who cut you off, don’t use turn signals, speed, and are just generally jerk drivers.  That doesn’t even count the drivers who are driving without a license or insurance.

From time to time now I look at today and last year.  What was the weather like in Okinawa?  What was I doing?  What did I try for the first time?

I realize that many things I believed in and or was passionate about over the years have faded.  It’s not just a difference with who I became in Okinawa and who I was here, but a drifting away from who am.  I am slowly moving back to ME.

I’ve long been a naturalist.  I believe in natural cleaning, composting, gardening, eating clean foods, gardening, and living simply.  The only thing about me that tends to create an element of eccentricity or some might consider conflict is that I was raised in a car club culture.  Having old Jeeps and old cars and especially Studebakers, Mopars, and Corvairs are just part of who I am too.  But I know now that I need one thing to enjoy and don’t have to have a mass of vehicles and parts.  So even that’s on the chopping block.  It’s back to cleaning out and listing on eBay.

I am returning to reading, but it’s hard.  I’ve starting coloring (thank heavens for the invention of the adult coloring book) and plan to get my cleaning and craft room in shape again (it became a disaster while I as away) and get back to crafts and sewing that I enjoy.

I returned to only t.v. via antenna along with my Netflix and Hulu accounts.  I’m spending more time listening to music and less time watching t.v.  I’m also fairly busy with eBay sales in clearing out ‘stuff’ from my life.

Returning to consulting but expanding my offerings as well as eBay and Uber will allow me to stay independent.  I don’t need to be wealthy in my bank account, but need to be happy.  I work at my own pace and have freedom and variety.

Reflection is healthy as long as it doesn’t become regret.  I hope you’ll reflect and find what’s slipped away for yourself.

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Finding Your Elusive Self

Posted on by Beth V Powell

I’ve seen a glimpse of life.  Some would say I’ve had an interesting life.  Finding your niche, your calling, and ultimately your true self is a lifelong battle.

Once I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was young to help animals.  I was fortunate enough to have space and freedom growing up to have not just the German Shepherd that I was raised with, but dwarf rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, fish, guinea pigs, a small parrot and often found crawdads and salamanders in the creek where I lived.  Once I hit high school I realized that science wasn’t my strength and changed plans.

I have worked in basic offices doing accounting and other duties.  In 1992 I landed into the CAD field where I remained until 2010 when the industry changed and I could no longer find a job.  Employers wanted degrees and certifications that I didn’t possess.  It was time for a change.

I blocked out healthcare from my career possibilities because I seemed surrounded by it.  My grandmother was an R.N. and practiced into retirement on-call.  My grandfather was a pharmacist and also practiced into retirement on a fill-in basis.  Through some experiences with my late husband, I had a renewed interest in healthcare.  With my personality type I believed that working in a lab would be the best fit.  I returned to school full-time to work toward a Health Science degree.  Along the way it was suggested that phlebotomy certification could pay my way to finish.  This was wrong as the pay is not there and employers only want to hire someone with experience.

I again fell into a position that took me to Okinawa, Japan.  The work was boring most of the time with not enough challenge to keep me interested, but during the last month of sitting in my apartment I finally found myself.  I had nothing to do but read and listen to music and I read about a book a day.  I started blogging again.  I started writing a book.  I began following a number of authors that I respected greatly and surrounding myself with people who built me up.  I also began exercising and working out at the base gym regularly and fell back into my routine of hardly being able to stay away from the gym.  I was stronger mentally and physically.  I found my true self.  I had also been eating clean with local food.

Then I returned home.  My hopes of continuing with the company that sent me to Okinawa were quickly dashed and I found myself laid off immediately.  After being away from home for 10 months, I had a lot of work to sort out and clean up problems.  I also was overwhelmed with clutter and started selling everything I could put my hands on.

All this distraction, gradually going back to bad-for-you American foods, have me lost again.  I’m trying to find a starting point to find myself again.  I shouldn’t have to leave home for this search!  I’ve had it and can taste it.  I want it back.  I need it back to survive.  It’s a long climb up a steep mountain.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it once I reach it.

Have you ever found your true self?  I’d like to know your story.

Why I’ve been silent

Posted on by Beth V Powell

It doesn’t seem like it’s been more than a few days since I returned home to Virginia from Okinawa.  It doesn’t seem possible that it’s been almost a month!

I didn’t have any trouble adjusting when I arrived in Okinawa.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps it was a mindset, being busy, or having been to China previously when my son and his wife lived there.  Grocery stores, driving, speaking to local Okinawa people just didn’t bother me at all.

I thought returning home would be great.  I was wrong.  I have been knocked off my feet and am having a terrible time adjusting.  There was a lot wrong at home I needed to fix after nine months away.  I also was overwhelmed by clutter.  I’ve always been a collector of many different things, but perhaps all the time in my sparse apartment in Okinawa I became accustomed to simplicity.  I felt like I was coming apart the first few days in my own home.  When I came to my senses I started yanking stuff off shelves and walls and had a huge yard sale within two weeks of my return home.  It’s still not enough.  More needs to go.

I’ve looked around and asked myself if I’m passionate about the item.  Before, if it was a gift or had any memories I kept it.  No more.  Now one or two Coke tins that I love are all I need and the other dozen or more that I’ve received as gifts over the years went.  That’s just one example of many.  I cleaned out my kitchen first and got rid of lots of small appliances and casserole or serving dishes that I rarely used.  I made lots of space.

I’m having difficulty finding things to eat like I ate in Okinawa.  I have to look harder.  I don’t want to shop at the grocery stores here.  I’m very turned off.  This has also made it a challenge for my family.  I don’t want to go out for hamburgers.  I want a salad or fresh vegetables or salmon.  I am realizing what vegans and vegetarians face when eating out and for the first time I am extra conscience.  I’m certainly not the same person that left.

I have not been eating good whole food and am experiencing brain fog and lethargy.  I have even had a terrible headache for the past week.  I have to take control and change!

In Okinawa I was very in tune with myself and was writing and having a burst of creativity.  I knew things would change at home because there is more to be done here.  Deck to stain, vacuuming, cleaning, flower beds to clean, etc.

I must set aside time each morning for exercise, yoga, meditation, and writing.

Beth

Leaving Okinawa and heading for home!

Posted on by Beth V Powell

I’ll be leaving Okinawa for home in Roanoke, VA on Wednesday, August 17.  There is a lot I’ll miss here, but it will be good to be home.

Okinawa Part III: Here I Am!

Posted on by Beth V Powell

This is the final post in this three part series.  I see now that it would’ve been a fantastic experience to share with you had I posted all along during the nine months I’ve been here.  Hey, I never claimed to be perfect!

This island is small (smaller than NJ) but feels vast.  There are several main highways and one toll rode.  Unless you travel to the far North, there’s not a lot of open space.  I am always amazed because plants that we typically see in the states as potted house plants are growing as plantings around people’s homes like we would plant azaleas, boxwood, pansies.  But these are what are commonly called pregnant onions, dragon plants, and several more.  I will miss that.

The first time I had an opportunity to use one of our company rental cars I was nervous.  I’m a good driver and can drive a variety of sizes and types of vehicles, but I’ve never driven on the ‘wrong’ side of the road.  After a little practice on some less traveled roads near the apartment I got the hang of it pretty quickly.  I’m sure when I get home it will take some time to go the side of my car where the steering wheel actually is!

It is my understanding that Okinawans drove on the right until the 1970’s when some changes took place with ownership and some other political issues and it changed to the left.

Everyone drives pretty slow here.  The speed limit is 50 kph which is about 30 mph.  That’s if you are traveling along at the speed limit.  Often you are sitting in traffic.  Traffic isn’t bad, but I will look forward to going home and being able to get on an Interstate and just drive even at the speed limit.  Because of this accidents are rare and there aren’t the fatalities we have in the U.S.  The toll rode speed limit is 80 kph which is just under 50 mph.  It feels like you are screaming down the road.

All the vehicles are pretty small.  They are generally brands that we have in the U.S, but because of some licensing issues they can’t use the model names we have.  Because of that it’s next to impossible to export a car here to the U.S.  The vehicle names are hilarious too.  The Suzuki Mr.  The Toyota Funcargo.  The Honda AirWave.  Once in a very great while you see a U.S. vehicle that a service member had shipped.  They stand out like a sore thumb.  I’ve seen a couple of classics, a jacked up truck, and a PT Cruiser.

Because the island is small, you can’t get very lost.  The rental cars have GPS so you can see the road numbers and where you are, but you can’t type in an address because it’s all in Japanese.  You can type in a phone number in some cases.  I’ve tried to just follow my nose and see what I find.  I’ve never been lost or not able to find my way home.

I shop at the 100 yen store which is the equivalent of the Dollar Tree at home except I think they have a much better variety at the 100 yen store.

No matter WHERE you go on Okinawa, hospitality is phenomenal.  We could learn so much from these people as Americans.  When you enter any business no matter the size, type, or how busy it is you are greeted.  No exceptions.  Cashiers can be running registers with lines of people and still will look up and greet you and welcome you.  When you check out and pay for a service, food, or merchandise you are thanked many times not just when you pay, but as you are exiting.  Generally it’s about 3 thank you’s.

Okinawan and Japanese people bow and I’m accustomed to bowing.  Not huge deep bows, but enough.  As you are thanked for your business with so much sincerity they bow to you and you say thank you and bow.  As they continue thanking you I find myself backing out the door continuing to bow and thank them.  It’s polite and respectful.  It’s such a welcome change.  When was the last time you had a customer service experience that made you feel like a person or business is there to serve you in the best way they can.

It is written in many reports of both Japanese and Americans prior to World War II that the hospitality of these people stood out to everyone that visited.

As a matter of history, the Okinawa people do not have much allegiance to the Japanese.  They were living happily when Japan took them over.  They had their own language and laid back ways.  Prior to World War II the Japanese started arriving knowing that this was the last defense before Allies invaded their home in Japan.  They were terribly mean to the people here.  They already treated them like trash and believed they were disposable people.  That became a terrible time for anyone in Okinawa.  The Japanese showed up and took over.  They forbid them from using their dialect for fear they would be spying, keeping secrets, talking about them, or siding with the Allies.  You get the idea.  The children were pulled from their homes and schools and forced into labor.

The Okinawans lost so much.  They lost their homes, land, family, respect, language and a large percentage were killed either during the attacks or forced to commit suicide by the Japanese to avoid capture.  But with all that, they are as hospital and friendly as if nothing ever happened.  You can’t help but treat them with respect.

I had the honor to meet a survivor and visited a memorial service on their version of Memorial Day.  It was an honor and very moving.  I would have never learned this or developed these opinions if I hadn’t lived here.  For that I am grateful.

Did you know that after the war Japan tried to pawn the island off on the Americans and really didn’t want it?  Did you know that Okinawa tried to become an American territory and created a flag, a petition of signatures, and many other aspects?  I was really surprised.

I will miss much here and will forever be changed.

 

Okinawa Part I: How I Got Here

Posted on by Beth V Powell

You may wonder what it’s like living in another country.  You can’t drive home on weekends and holidays, but if you embrace it you will find it to be a wonderful experience.

In October 2015 I began discussions with my current employer to take a position performing work as a government contractor.  The initial question was “Do you mind travel?”  I didn’t.  Then it was “Are you willing to live overseas?”  After I expressed an interest, the process that got me here to Okinawa began picking up speed and happened almost overnight.

I might not have been interested or might have been too fearful.  But several years ago now my son made a trip to China to meet a girl he met online.  He assured me that he’d taken precautions to make the trip and have it laid out whether she actually showed up or not or turned out to be creepy (which she wasn’t).  He’d gone through the passport application and came home with some amazing stories and photos.

Only a few months after that he came to me and said he was going to move there.  He was quite put out with me when I replied, “O.K.”.  He told me that he’d planned this big speech to convince me.  Hey, he was 18 and should live his life.  So, he sold most of his possessions and left for China the following spring.  He planned to receive training to teach English as a foreign language (TEFL) and had a job lined up.  He ended up living there for two years.  Partly because he wanted to prove to her parents that he wasn’t there just to snatch their only daughter away to never see her again and partly because of the process involved in getting paperwork for her immigration to the U.S.

My late husband and I got our passports.  We were looking forward to making a trip to China for the wedding scheduled for April 2010 and meeting her parents.

I was asked many times over those two years if I missed my son.  I laughed and would always respond that it was hard to miss him when I talked to him on Skype ever day and sometimes more than once.  It was as if he never left.  (Though the house was cleaner!)

My husband’s cancer, Multiple Myeloma, got worse in 2009 and he died that September.  He could’ve hung on a little while longer, but we had agreed that I would intervene if the quality of life wasn’t there and that’s what I did.  I didn’t want to say good-bye to my best friend and soul mate, but I knew that the person with me wasn’t the same so I held up my end of the deal.  I also kept my promise to have him cremated in his favorite ratty old denim shorts, worn out shoes, Army jacket from college in the 60’s covered in patches and a stash of weed in the pocket.  (I think the funeral director must have thought I was insane!)

The week before I was to fly to Shanghai, China for two weeks I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer.  I wasn’t terribly surprised, but it was rather ironic.  I had a wonderful relationship with my gynecologist and he told me that it was extremely early and that it’s slow growing and that I should go to China and enjoy myself and not worry about it.  We scheduled surgery for a complete hysterectomy in late May before I left.  I did just that.

My time in China went pretty fast as you might imagine.  I was really grateful that I wasn’t there just as a tourist.  I got to go to every day places and got to go out to a small village where her parents lived and meet what seemed like hundreds of relatives that came for the wedding.  People came from all over.

There was an entire room of their house just for fireworks!  These were what we would see as professional fireworks in the U.S.  It was just amazing.  That’s a practice there to set off fireworks for such events.

There was so much food and so much booze and so many people to meet.  You drink your alcohol in a bowl and the bride and groom and family would go from table to table and everyone would toast you.  Well, you can imagine that if everyone is toasting you how much the bride, groom, and family are drinking to toast every person they come too?

On top of that, my husband had already challenged her father to a drinking contest.  Damn him.  We were planning on having scotch, but customs made sure that didn’t make it.  So her Papa wanted me to drink with him.  When you do this you drink down as quickly as you can and turn your bowl upside down.  So here I was trying to be respectful and drink down beer (which I don’t care for anyhow) and beat Papa.  I thought once was it, but oh no!  He kept pouring and he and the uncles at the table and I chugged I can’t even begin to tell you how many bowls of beer.  Needless to say, I got wasted on my son’s wedding day.

So, in November 2015 I left Roanoke, VA and drove to Woodbridge, VA to stay with a friend.  She was in the Marine Corp and lived in Japan and tried to teach me some Japanese.  She took me to the airport the next day where I flew from Dulles to Tokyo and then Tokyo to Okinawa.

Please sign up to receive the next installment in this series.  I’ll share with you my apartment, shopping and driving, the people, and what I’ve learned about Okinawa.

Stay tuned!